On Thursday night I went to the #CosmoBlogAwards as I’d been shortlisted in the Best for Fitness category all thanks to your nominations – but I very nearly didn’t go. You see, I was and still am extremely excited and honoured to have been shortlisted for an award, but the pressures of being a fitness blogger almost got the better of me. I was scared, scared of being judged on my physical appearance and dismissed as a credible blogger because of it.
I’m sure we can all relate to this, you get invited to a night out and you’re excited to go but you have nothing to wear. You go shopping for the perfect outfit but whatever you try on makes you feel bigger than usual. The unflattering lights and multiple mirrors show your lumps and bumps from all angles. You walked into the changing room confident but walked out completely deflated and seriously considering not going to your night out. This was me, except I wasn’t just going on a night out, I was going to my first ever awards ceremony with hundreds of other bloggers. I was scared that as soon as I said what category I was in people would instantly scrutinise my body and think to themselves ‘Fitness blogger, really?!’. I was scared about standing next to the gorgeous girls in my category who have amazing bodies, I’m talking sculpted arms, toned backs and abs. I was scared of how I’d look in the pictures and that they’d be online for even more people to judge me. In the lead up to the awards ceremony all of my insecurities intensified and I seriously considered not going.
But of course, I couldn’t not go. Firstly, you guys had taken the time to nominate and vote for me, it’s all thanks to you that I’d been shortlisted in the first place. Secondly, hiding out in my bedroom and missing out on an amazing night wasn’t going to solve anything or make me feel any better about myself. I found a dress that skimmed over my wobbly bits, bought a gold belt to highlight my waist, did the best I could with my hair and makeup and off I went. Once I was there I almost forgot about my insecurities, or at least, I chose to ignore them and I had an amazing night. I got to meet all of the lovely fitness bloggers in my category again, we were all so happy to be shortlisted and were so supportive of each other. I got to have my eye makeup done by Makeup Forever, I had my nails done by Barry M, I had a few curls added to my already curled hair by Remington and then it was awards time…
Guys, I won Highly Commended!!!!
Your votes did it! I came second to the amazing and well deserving winner Carly Rowena! I got to go on stage and collect my framed certificate! I still can’t believe it. I am so, so thankful to you all, I wish I could hug each and every one of you.
Sometimes I struggle to find my place as a fitness blogger. I started this online space with the intention of showing you my during, taking you on the journey with me from my before, to my after. But then I compare myself to other fitness bloggers who are Personal Trainers, or have beautiful Instagram feeds of perfectly arranged porridge toppings, or rarely miss a workout, or those with amazing bodies and I feel lost. Let me be clear – this has nothing to do with other fitness bloggers, everyone I’ve ever met or spoken to has been absolutely lovely, they’ve never made me feel like I don’t belong, or that I’m any different to them. The fitness blogging community is a wonderful one and I’ve made some lovely friends along the way. What I’m trying to get across here is my own insecurities and problem with comparison. Because that’s the point with insecurities – they’re internal.
Imagine if I’d let my insecurities get the better of me and I hadn’t gone to the Cosmo Blog Awards. I wouldn’t have been presented with my award. I wouldn’t have been able to catch up with the lovely bloggers. I would have missed out on a great night. The night of the awards I told myself that I’m not going to let my insecurities hold me back from anything and I want you to tell yourself the same. I reread my Positive Body Image post to remind myself to love my body. I’ve written myself an exercise plan so that I can get back into a routine because I feel my best when I’m working out, feeling the endorphins and getting stronger. I’m going to stop comparing myself to others. And I’m going to look at my framed award up on my wall to remind myself that I have you guys with me, my amazing readers. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much! It’s motivated me an incredible amount and I want to make 2016 a great year for all of us so I’ve been planning some exciting things for us! Make sure you subscribe via email to be the first to hear about what’s coming up.